Spam Found Poem

I combined the subject lines of spam mail to make this poem. Fuck you spam, i turned your shitness into magnificent art.

Now it's easy as pie to become a s'e_xual giant!
Yes, your willy can really grow beyond it's current size!
Your new mega size will make her scream with excitement!
Make your friends envy your new huge size!
Hot nights are guaranteed for well hung dudes!
Rock hard boner is not an unachievable dream!
Suck it and see...

Revenge is sweet. My favorite part is the "suck it and see". I think that'll be my new motto from now. Oh yeah, I haven't updated the blog in a while. Sooo, I'm back I guess?

Easter is So Gibson... Sugartits!

If you think there's anything hotter than animals dressed up as other animals, then you're a quief! Happy Birthday Jesus!

CORRECTION: I was just informed that Easter is actually a celebration of Jesus' death and consequent resurrection. I would just like to extend my condolences to JC's family and friends. Excuse my ignorance, I was confused by the whole egg thing and the rabbits.

Rape! Lies! Free Online!

stream/download RASHOMON by Akira Kurosawa in its entirety here:
http://www.archive.org/details/Rashomon

I was stomping around town yesterday, trying to find a pair of new jeans. My other pairs, no matter how much I pay for them, always rip at the crotch after about six months of wear. I don't know whether it's an issue of denim quality as much as it's the fact that I do dumb shit for attention. These acts of stupidity usually involve giggling and getting one of my legs caught on a fence or a sharp object. It's like a disorder but you know what, it gets a laugh, so it's worth it in the end. Honestly though, I only do it because the media tells me to do it like that.

Case in point- that time I got surprisingly drunk in a cinema during a bad horror film, and then proceeded to try and slide down the escalator railing afterwards. The railing was made out of glass... and glass is, like, weirdly sharp and not sturdy. I ripped my jeans from under my ass all the way down the side of my leg. Even my boxer-briefs were shredded! Everyone laughed with me and I was content. I had to go home to change and get more beer. I told my parents I slipped. I lied.

So please don't tell me that violent movies have no negative effect on impressionable young males.

But I'm not that impressionable. I'm savvy enough. I'm a critical thinker. I know that in real life you can't have loud sex with a prostitute in a stolen car, and then run her over and kill her so you can get your money back after you're done...without a condom! It's only safe to do that in videogames because pixels can't get AIDS. And I get that. I respect that.

Anyways, I found a nice new pair of jeans and they're skinny but not too skinny. This weekend, I'm planning to watch Rashomon in my new skinny jeans!

Here's what Wikipdeia says about it: "This 1950s movie, directed by Akira Kurosawa, tells the story of a rape and murder through the widely differing accounts of four witnesses, including the perpetrator and, through a medium, his victim. Each version contradicts the others which leaves the viewer unable to determine the truth of the events."

...just like that Hillary Duff movie where she's in the army...

Gingivitis Jam Session

ToothTunes by Hasbro

It might look like a regular toothbrush but it's actually the most amazing invention since puppies! This gift from Jesus sends music into your head through your freakin' teeth! Ahhhh! I want one so bad. I want the one that plays High School Musical songs...or Hillary Duff. Actually, I'd be happy with either but not Cheetah Girls. God, I'm so sick of Cheetah Girls.

In other news, there's still no cure for AIDS so that's pretty sucky...

Look at the pic below for an explanation of how to teleport music into your face.

TOOTHTUNES.com

R.I.P. Captain America

Captain America #25

Captain America was SHOT TO DEATH today by a sniper on his way to a courtroom! I'm not even shitting you. This great American hero, who killed the Hitler (I only realized that today when I saw this picture), was sniped down by a Muslim extremist...I think... I mean it didn't say that anywhere specifically but, like, who else would it have been? I'm sure it wasn't a Jew. Jews love Captain America because, like I said, he killed the Hitler.

To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a Black because...well, you know... (shout out to my Half Black best friend DR)

OMG. I just realized how offensive that was. I'm so sorry... I meant to say African American.

The last issue of Captain America is on newsstands now...we'll miss you Cap...

CNN LINK
Captain America Fansite Link

Virtua Hug: Vengance

No pictures, no videos, no pizzazz (sp?)... just a self-contained virtual hug to brighten your day. Here it goes...

:::hug:::-> u <-:::hug:::

Can you believe it? You can't feel it, but there it is, hugging u lol rofl ttyl

Whatever You're Into...This Is Better

X Ray Make Out Session by ???

Now this is taking it back to the basics. No race, no religion, no gender, no skin... just hot bone. It's about time. If I was a really edgy porn director ( I'm not...yet), I would try and make my name in the industry by steering clear of double penetration. Instead, I would make a full feature porno shot totally in x ray...in 3D! I would force the actors to swallow strange objects like small toys so a viewer could discern the pornographic thespians by the contents of their stomachs. Brilliant? Yeah, it kind of is.

Quick question- wanna see what an x ray blowjob looks like? If yes click on NSFW link below...
X RAY BLOWED

Not satisfied? Click Here for More!

Wii4Mii

Nintendo Wii by Nintendo Of Course

I was trying to hold off on writing about this amazing piece of unbridled happiness just because it's so obvious that I would like something like this. Well, you know what, fuck it. That's right, I just blew my PG13 rating out of the water by saying fuck it and it was soooooo worth it.

I love the Nintendo Wii more than my iPod and almost as much as my MacBook...almost. What tipped me over the edge?

One nugget of newsy goodness: GUITAR HERO is coming to the Wii!!!

If you don't know what Guitar Hero is, go fist yourself loser (Thanks HK). Whatever, I'm being too harsh. Watch this video below for an introduction to the amazing also known as Guitar Hero. Then go buy a Wii and rock out with your cock/wii out.



NEWS LINK

Stelarc is Sick and Old!

This Australian performance artist is sick, as in awesome and nasty combined in a futuristic supernova. His message is something about the body being OBSOLETE! Oh, us artists and our dumb messages. Here's a message: I think you're a crazy old man, Stelarc, and I like that about you. I hear that you refer to yourself as "the artist" when you give speeches. You're so lame, I love it!

Stelarc's work utilizes high technology and a dash of disgusting.

Here's a summary of his past performances: suspending his naked body by flesh hooks attached to floating rocks (hard to explain for an ex-ESL, look at pic below), allowing website visitors to control his movement by electronic muscle stimulators that connect his body to the internet, attaching a robotic third arm to himself which he could control by using electrodes implanted into his stomach (ewww, there's a video below- you're welcome), building an exoskeleton that you can freakin drive (above), growing an ear into his arm and implanting a microphone in it so website visitors could hear what his arm hears (!!?!?!)....among others.

creepy hot

so right.

I find that the kind of art that catches my attention is not very subtle at all, in fact it is very sensationalist and hyped up which is the opposite of subtle. So Stelarc is right up my alley. Click on the links below if you want more info on the old psycho. Oh yeah, this video will give you nightmares:



LINKS:

STELARC ON WIKIPEDIA
HIS OFFICIAL WEBSITE

With Friends Like These...

This song reminds me of Christmas! Still love it.



And this one reminds me of the summer to fall collection of my memories. Being able to put youtube videos into HotApocalypse is fantastic. More, more, more.